I’ve been thinking a lot about “identity” for the past few days.

This thinking was inspired by posts on the Own Your Future with Tony Robbins and Dean Graziosi page. Yes! I am talking about THE Tony Robbins. Whoop whoop!

I could say: “I am a copywriter” or “I am a teacher/coach,” but that’s just what I do (it’s not who I am).

I could say: “I am British” or “I am English,” but that’s just the societal identity and social conditioning attached to being born in the UK.

I could say: “I am kind,” “I am honest” or “I am caring,” but those are values we all live by.

There have also been times in my life when I mistook my “identity” for the way I looked or for the makeup and clothes I wore! But that was just aesthetics—a way to cover up imperfections or wear a mask to hide the real me.

I could say: “I am still overcoming depression.” But even though depression is part of me, it doesn’t define me. And it doesn’t have ultimate power over me anymore. It’s a constant companion that sometimes creates the illusion that it wants to destroy my life force. Dim my sparkle—rain on my parade—keep my laughter silent—keep me small—distort my perception.

But luckily, I know that I was born a joyful soul (and my innate lifeforce is stronger than decades of bottling up emotions and counterintuitive thought patterns), so I can consciously create magic by singing, laughing, playing, and dancing it out. It takes effort (a LOT of effort), but trust me, it’s worth hitting the yoga mat.

Sometimes you almost need to hit rock bottom to find the energy and gumption to fight for your position in life. I’ve recovered once and still failed to fully own my frequency, so I slipped back into old patterns. But the beauty of the human condition is RESILIENCE and I can rise up again, and again, and again.

I will keep being a peaceful warrior until it’s not a constant effort to turn on my shine (unless I find myself in flow).

But it’s time to STEP UP and FIND the courage to be the Leading Lady of my own life (and stop sitting on the sidelines when “I don’t feel like [fill in the blanks] today.”) I need to stop being okay with “feeling content” which served me when I recovered the first time (because my energy was limited).

I still won’t be everyone’s cup of tea (that’s okay—people who are on a similar frequency will gravitate towards me organically—that’s the Law of Attraction in action), but at least I’ll turn up to the party, hit the dance floor, and OWN my highest frequency.

I’ve been “dancing to the beat of my own drum” inside my head for decades, and it’s FUN. I am fun, I am playful, I am creative, I am a seeker, I am bonkers, I am a Phoenix, I am free, I am adventurous.

I need to stop being scared of getting the side-eye (some people won’t like me, no matter whether I play small or play full out—so I might as well own my own authenticity and shine my light to empower the people who need me).

Besides, the world needs more light, love, laughter and peace.

I am currently doing a disservice to those who need me. If the founder of Laughter Yoga, Dr. Madan Kataria still calls me “Ellie the Great,” (despite all my flaws) then I need to rise up to the title bestowed upon me five years ago.

I am Starburstellie, and guess what? I choose to celebrate and embrace that I am practically (im)perfect in every way.